Our Journey in 2012

Today, Jacob is on my mind. It is clear, to me, that God has been working in his life. We have come a long way in the past 6 months. I have been reminded about the love he had for me in elementary school. I remember being smothered by it, at times, and not appreciating it. Oh how I miss those days..... they really were precious! He use to grab ahold of my cheeks and look me in the eye and tell me, as if his life depended on it, how much he loved me. Then life happened. Things changed. His world got rocked and I was one of the rockers. THen.... teenage years came. The child who once adored everything about me.... simply did not anymore. I was once his safe haven; But now I had become the one he couldn't turn to. His safe haven had been stripped away. But God has been working on him. God has been reaching into his heart (and mine) and molding him. Jake probably doesn't see it all. He doesn't understand it, but I think he likes it. The anger and pain isn't as real anymore. Things have softened. Our relationship is healing. Periodically, I sense the little boy who once crawled up in my lap and grabbed my cheeks is still around and still adores me. I have confidence that God is molding Jacob to become a man of God..... a vessel that He will use for His glory. Yesterday, I was reminded once again of God's grace and his faithfulness. Someone sent me a text... purely meant to encourage me and was innocent.... but one that hit me hard. The words that hit me hard were: "your kids have paid a high price for their sports!! hope their coaches appreciate that!! a great illustration of the sacrifices we should be making for our spiritual "race"." It hit me because it truly is a reminder of the "race" we are in for our Lord and how little I put into that race for my kids and how much I have put into their "worldly race"... sports. Then I felt very guilty for allowing my children to be so involved in sports that it has destroyed their bodies... and so little involved in the word that I haven't prepared them for the only race that is important and as a result, injurying their "spiritual body". My response was excuses. Not that they were accusing me of anything... .but I wanted to "defend" my position. This morning, I sit and struggle with those same thoughts. I know that God uses anything; even sinful things. So am I saying that having our children in sports is sinful? Absolutely not. Am I saying that my kids are being judged for our choice to have them in sports so intensely? Absolutely not.... though I am very very aware that sports can consume a family.... even if that family's intent is good and they are being used on and off the field. AND.... I decided a long time ago that I was going to be intentional at NOT allowing Elizabeth and Ri to fall into the same trap. For me, I see how sports has been a way God has molded my kids. But in the same breath, I see how sports has been an instrument that has taken my kids and our family off the path at times. In some ways, it has destroyed our walk as a family and in some ways it has strengthened it. And so I have an inward battle going on inside of me. But in the end, I am still very thankful for God's faithfulness. Soccer has been one thing that has really encouraged Jacob and given him self-confidence and strength. And though God may not be foremost on his mind, God has still allowed Jacob the joy of playing this season. He could have taken that away from him for good. In fact, Jacob should have been done for the season even before it began. But God didn't "punish" him. He didn't strip him from that joy; despite where any of us are spiritually. He gave the season to Jacob as a gift. He finished the entire season and had surgery yesterday morning. When I met with the doctor for the consult after surgery, he said that Jacob's tear was significant. It was from the bottom of his shoulder to the top of his shoulder. In fact, when he placed the camera inside his shoulder to do the surgery, it kept falling out because the tissue was so loose. We were expecting 2 anchors to be put into his shoulder; instead, he needed 5. It is amazing that the shoulder had not come out again! Truly, a gift. After surgery, Jacob and I talked about it. He sees it as a gift and is very grateful for it. The recovery is going to be long and hard. Please pray for mental strength as well as a complete physical healing. God is gracious and he is faithful. He has begun a good work in my son and He will be faithful to complete it. Here is a picture of Jacob just before heading into surgery.