Our Journey in 2012

It's been so long that I really don't know where to begin. I would like to begin journaling "life" for my kids. Life is a constant battle. Ephesians 6:12 says: For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. We are in a war. I feel it now more then ever. I am experiencing it in myself and I see it in my kids. I need to be on the front lines with the most powerful weapon available; my knees. But I rest assured that the victory is already ours.... through Christ Jesus. Colossians 1:13-14 states this: For He has delivered us from the power of darkness and has translated us into the kingdom of His dear Son;14. in whom we have redemption through His blood, the remission of sins. I have gone through some very difficult battles in the past few years. I think most parents do. I have faced some darkness in our home; something I never dreamed would happen. I have battled the enemy for my kids.... and at times felt nothing but despair. I have watched as my pride and confidence as a mother has been shattered; torn down in order for me to see the glory of Christ. I realize, now, that at one point, I took pride in my abilities to raise children. It took God opening my eyes to my failures in order for me to recognize that anything good is from Him. James 1:17 says: Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. I have come to the point of realizing that my strength is in Him. I say, with confidence, that anything good that my children become is truly a gift from God and not as a result of my parenting. As I have shared before, blogging use to be my therapy sessions. I loved to blog "life". I loved sharing the ups and downs of parenting. But the struggles that came got too difficult to share and would have been unfair to my kids. And so I just had not desire or energy to be "fake" about my life. The easiest thing for me was to withdraw from blogging. I am reminded that my strength is in Him. The battle I have been fighting feels as if victory is pending. Life isn't so difficult and the darkness isn't so thick. I rejoice in the battle and rejoice in HIS victories! And so I will share a brief synopsis of life around the Millers; in hopes to continue sharing. As I said in the beginning, I want to journal "life" for our kids. I want them to know my heart and to remember the joys of growing up. So here is a quick peek into our lives. Emily is as beautiful as ever. She had an adventurous summer. She finished her internship at Skyview. It was the hardest year of her life, yet a year that she actually learned about life. She ended it only to begin a summer as a program director. The journey at Skyview had some bumps in the road that taught her even more about real life. They are hard lessons, but good lessons. She spent 2 weeks in Poland as a basketball coach. Yep... you didn't read that wrong, she was a coach for an international basketball camp. And believe it or not, her team ended up the champions at the camp. It was one of the most amazing 2 weeks of her life. She has truly met the love of her life. He is a wonderful young man who has given his life to serving our Lord. He is studying to be a pastor. He loves the Lord with all his heart and seems to love our daughter nearly as much. He treats her like a princess. I believe that the Lord has some big plans for them. Emily is in her senior year at BBC. BBC has been wonderful! After spending a year in an internship, they are allowing Emily to finish her courses online. So, she is saving thousands of dollars and taking her courses at home! We are thoroughly enjoying having her around again. I suspect this will be the last months that our daughter will be home. :) Erin has had some extremly difficult things come her way. It has been very hard to watch. I have to admit that it has been hard for me to understand. She still has not recovered from her surgeries. Her knees are in a lot of pain, making it difficult to get in shape for soccer season. It is a two edge sword, her knees hurt too much to workout; but she needs to strengthen her legs to get her knees stronger. The day she came home from Equador, she went straight to Skyview. It is literally impossible to have free time to workout. She went straight into soccer season not physically prepared and even less emotionally ready. By the beginning of summer, she had come to a decision that she was just too tired of a long distance relationship. She was ready to change colleges and finally be with the love of her life. She had everything in place to transfer; but when she told him, he told her no. After a few weeks of talking (only on Saturdays when she was not at Skyview), he told her that he had decided that he needed to let her go to draw nearer to God and become the man that she deserves. Talk about a blow. She understood and wants him to grow and wants to grow as well. They no longer want each other to be their strength; but God to be it. In October, it would have been 3 years of a very serious relationship. Her world was rocked. I have to admit, mine was rocked as well. He caught me totally by surprise and I have had a hard time deciphering the truth in his words. But I trust God and I trust that He would ONLY do what is best for both of them. And if his words are true, then all I can do is praise God for a young man who loves Christ so much that he is willing to give up the one thing that he loves most. And I praise God for a beautiful young woman who would be willing to understand and encourage him and who desires to give everything for Christ as well. With that said, I still know that her world has been rocked and despite how much your head says this is best, your heart often does not match up. Sam is officially in college now. The year has been an emotional rollar coaster with many disappointments in his college pursuit. He has struggled with the ups and downs and with God's direction in his life. But he has handled it with much grace and is trusting God's plan. The day he left for college was very hard on me. I walked into the room and there was Ri with tears streaming down his face. Sam held him and he sobbed and sobbed... deep, heavy sobs. Sam just rubbed on his back and let him cry on his shoulder. I watched as I saw tears begin to stream down Sam's cheeks. I think Ri cried for 20 minutes. It was heart-wrenching. But by the time we got to college, both Ri and Sam were smiling again. Sam's first taste of college life was true to the rollar coaster God has had him on. Sam requested a quad and had signed up and was confirmed 3 months prior. He purposely asked for a quad because the doubles are EXTREMELY small. But... sure enough... when we arrived, there were problems with his assignment and he discovered that he had been placed in a double. That kicked him in the stomach. After some mighty movement on moms part (yep... there's a little pride in that), we had him back in a quad.... only for God to slam me in my face again about my pride. We got to the quad and Sam started to be pretty apprehensive. With some talking to Dad, mom and a friend, he decided it was better to be in the double. (Wham.... in my face.... now we had to face them to get him back in the room that they had worked so hard to get him out of!). As we left, my heart was sad. I have looked to Sam for encouragement a lot lately. It would be hard to not have his smile and energy around. Four days into college life (no classes yet), it looked like Sam had been through war. He shared with us the things that he was facing constantly. Parties, alcohal, marijuanna, sex.... everywhere he turned. He felt alone and pressured from all directions. You could see it on his face and in his eyes. It was heartwrenching for me. The first day of classes didn't go so well either. By the 2nd day, he was completely defeated; sharing with me that there was no way he could keep his scholarship and that the college was set to fail him. It was so hard to hear. But, once again, God is faithful. Within a couple of weeks, he had some great things happen. He discovered that he passed out of Chemistry and was able to drop that course and pick up another. He had actually discovered that by the end of the semester, he would have 57 credit hours! That would rank him 3 credit hours short of a junior rank. He passed out of chemistry and physics! He was very excited. Now he probably will not be considered a junior by the engineering program, but still... how cool is it to have so many credits accepted from high school AP and KAP classes! The coolest thing is that he can now move out of the dorm!!!! That is an answered prayer. Now we are just praying that he can move in with someone who loves the Lord. Jacob has had as many ups and downs as the rest of them. This year has been a rough one in the Miller home. In the spring, he fell playing soccer and sublexed his shoulder. Jacob has really struggled with some things; christianity being one of the biggest. That struggle has allowed some difficult things to go on. As a result, Jacob made a poor choice and as a result, his shoulder completely dislocated. I believe with all my heart that it was an instrument used of God to grab ahold of my sons attention. I was reminded of how Jacob, in the bible, wrestled with God all night. 24 This left Jacob all alone in the camp, and a man came and wrestled with him until the dawn began to break. 25 When the man saw that he would not win the match, he touched Jacob’s hip and wrenched it out of its socket. 26 Then the man said, “Let me go, for the dawn is breaking!” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” 27 “What is your name?” the man asked. He replied, “Jacob.” 28 “Your name will no longer be Jacob,” the man told him. “From now on you will be called Israel,[c] because you have fought with God and with men and have won.” 29 “Please tell me your name,” Jacob said. “Why do you want to know my name?” the man replied. Then he blessed Jacob there. My son has been wrestling with his faith; wrestling with God. I feel like God saw that he would not win the match, so he touched Jacob's shoulder and wrenched it out of its socket. Jacob wants to be blessed by God. He wants to know God. After the moments at the emergency room and watching the pain that my son was in, I began to see God's working on Jacob. Since that day, I have seen a change in him. It has been such a joy to watch. Jacob has become strong, determined, and happy. I see joy again. I see a strength that is brewing. I can't do anything but rejoice! We had to see an orthopedic surgeon after the complete dislocation. He was given permission to play unless it came out again. He has fitted for a special harness to help support the shoulder during games. He worked hard to make the varsity team and earned a starting position. Soccer was going great. Then ... during a game, in the last few minutes, his shoulder came out again. This time we were able to get it back in within fifteen minutes or so. We had to go back to the surgeon; expecting his season to be over. He was given 2 weeks of physical therapy and then permission to continue the season with the full knowledge