It's a NEW year

I have to say that I am not sad to see 2011 behind me. I am looking forward to a brand new year. I am very aware that I should be ashamed to say that it was a bad year. It really wasn't. There are so many things that were good and so many things that could have happened to have made it a year that I would never want to visit again.

But... the truth is... 2011 made me more sad then anything. I realized a lot about myself that I didn't like: this is probably the biggest reason I stopped blogging. It was a hard year for me as a mother. I was forced to face a lot of things about my parenting skills and about my responses to my children. I struggle with who I have become as a mom. I struggled all year with it. Circumstances kept throwing it in my face. It has made me very sad and very reflective... and consequently, very challenged to become the mom that God desires me to be.

Raising teenagers is a challenge. I used to ache when I heard parents complain about their teens or get so frustrated that the words they chose hurt me (let alone how much it would have hurt their children). I didn't understand and I certainly didn't approve. But I found myself battling every emotion I could face and struggling with the outcome in ways I never dreamt I would. The dynamics of ages and personalities around me these past 4-5 years has beat me down and changed me. I finally came to the point of realizing how deep I had fallen and how desparately I needed to make my walk with God right.

So, I am glad to see 2011 go; hoping that much of the baggage is leaving as well. I am anxious to live for Christ in a new way. I am excited about where my focus is taking me. I don't like who I have become, but I know that it is not permanent and I am the one who can change it.

I hope to blog more and to share the journey God is taking me. Maybe my blog will become a journey of my life or maybe it will be about the kids, I really do not know. I look forward to where I am heading.